


let it be, you can't make it come or go

by wlwpeggycarter



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Harry, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Mentions of alcohol, Panic Attacks, Sappy Ending, and at the end there is a sex mention from a movie scene, and thats at the beginning, but it isn't too graphic but pls be careful if you need to, um louis thinks harry is nonace and hits on him and tries to have sex with him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-12
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-05-13 07:43:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5700493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wlwpeggycarter/pseuds/wlwpeggycarter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“My friends and everybody else, they want something, but I- I don’t want it. And it scares me because I know that I should want it, but I just don’t. I feel alone, and like no one understands me. And I don’t know if there is something wrong with me for not wanting it, or if it’s something else, but I’m scared that I won’t be like everyone else when I get older, and I have to lie to people about it, and I just want to stop lying.” Harry takes a deep breath after that, feeling scared after he just told his biggest secret to someone.  But, what he said didn’t make that much sense because he left out many important words (i.e.- sex).</p><p>Harry is ace, and he meets Louis at a party. They get separated, but they find each other again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	let it be, you can't make it come or go

**Author's Note:**

> hi thank you for looking at my fic! This was written almost a year ago, and I just never posted it for some reason. If you have any questions/concerns about the fic or the tags, please don't be afraid to ask!! Please let me know if I need to change/add anything to the tags, I might have forgotten something because I wrote this so long ago. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the fic, comments and kudos are always appreciated. My tumblr is nahgenderlouis. Any mistakes are mine, this fic isn't beta'd. 
> 
> Title from the song Happiness by The Fray!!

Harry didn’t want to be here. It was very loud, and dark and bright at the same time. ‘Here’ being the house party his friend had dragged him along to. Bodies were knocking into him every minute or two, and he was covered in something that smelled very bad. Harry didn’t want to think about it too much. He looked around, and saw that a lot of his school was at this party, but mostly upperclassmen. A majority of them were dancing, and it made Harry uneasy to look at. He was looking for the closest exit now, he was getting a bit claustrophobic and he was having a hard time breathing. Harry stood on his tiptoes, trying to find a door, any door that would lead him out of the party.

There, down the hallway. He knows it’s not an exit. It is most likely a bathroom, and he’s praying it’s not a closet. He shoves past sweaty bodies, saying, “Excuse me. Sorry” more times that he probably should. He finally makes it through the sea of bodies, and opens the door and breathes out a sigh of relief, seeing a bathroom in front of him. He rushes in quickly, locks the door to make sure no one gets in. He slides down the door, feeling the vibrations of the music through the wood. It calms him a little, but not enough. He tries the bathtub, finding that the cool surface helps a lot more.

He counts to fifteen, then backwards from fifteen again. He takes a long, deep breath in between sets of numbers, finding that this method is much more helpful. Once he feels better, he steps out of the bathtub and looks at himself in the mirror. He sees the stain of the mysterious smelling liquid down the front of his shirt, and that his curls are a bit out of order. He shakes his hair down in front of his face, and then runs his hands through the fringe. Perfect, now onto the stain. He doesn’t think he can do anything with it, honestly. He dabs it with a towel hanging on the rack, but it doesn’t help much.  _ Whatever,  _ he thinks,  _ it’s dark in the party anyway. _

Harry psyches himself up to go back out, but as soon as he unlocks the door a body is tumbling into the bathroom directly on top of him. Harry’s first thought is  _ Oh my god this boy reeks of beer _ then almost directly after the first thought,  _ There is a boy on top of me, and I need to get us up because he looks like he might puke on me.  _ Harry scrambles to get out from under the boy, who has a very light body, surprisingly, and leans him up against the wall opposite the sink. Harry claps in front of his face to get him to open his eyes, and when he does Harry wants him to close them again. They are this striking blue, the sky right before a storm, and the sky on a sunny blue day. Harry never wants to look away.

“Hi. Who are you?” Blue Eyed Boy asks. Even his voice is lovely, a soft scratchy sound that Harry wouldn’t mind hearing forever.  _ Whoa, slow down Harry. _

“Um, hey, yeah I’m Harry.” God, he can't even speak correctly right now. The boy is looking at him like he has a few heads, which Harry thinks is appropriate with how drunk he looks.

“Well Harry” he slurs, pointing a finger at him, “See, this is my graduation p-party I’m throwing here, and it just so happens that I um, I don’t know you. And this is an invite only party. So the question is, how did you get in?” 

Harry knows that he shouldn’t freeze up, and open his mouth right away to apologize. He knows that this boy is drunk, and he doesn’t even make sense right now, but Harry wants to explain how he got here. He doesn’t even know the boy's name, and he wants to take care of him. Harry should probably be at least a little bit concerned at his thoughts. (He’s not.)

“My friend, um, they brought me along. He said it would be okay. Sorry.” Harry still doesn’t know his name. He should ask. “What’s your name?”

“You don’t know my name, but you came to the party anyway. Interesting. But, uh it’s Louis. Louis Tomlinson.”

Harry thinks that the way he says his name is nice too. How he doesn’t pronounce the ‘S’ at the end, it suits him. Harry must have been so deep in his thoughts that he didn’t notice that Louis was running his hands down Harry’s chest, lightly scratching over the t-shirt once before he looked up at Harry’s face.

Harry was very shocked, and kind of uncomfortable if he was honest. Louis’ hand then went to his arms, holding his biceps for balance or because he wanted to, Harry wasn’t sure. Harry was sure that he wanted Louis to stop touching him though, he didn’t like it very much. But before he could politely brush Louis’ hand off, Louis asked him a question.

“Do you want to go upstairs, away from… here?” Harry liked the sound of that very much, but he felt like Louis meant something else. Before he could think better of it, Harry nodded his head and Louis was dragging him down the hallway to the stairs on the far left.

“Um, Louis. Where are we going?” Harry’s voice was small and he didn’t like the sound of it.

“To my room, love” Louis seemed a tiny more sober now, and the nickname was comforting.  When Louis walked up the stairs, he tripped on a third of the steps. Maybe he wasn’t as sober as Harry thought.

They came to a stop in front of a door, and Harry assumed it was Louis’. They went in, and Harry saw that Louis had many pictures on his wall. Louis and his friends, Louis and his sisters (in those photos he was making funny faces, and Harry thought it was very cute), and one of Louis and his mom. In that picture, Louis had his arms wrapped tight around his mom’s waist, and Louis’ mom was doing the same thing, only her chin was rested on top of her son's head.

Louis was suddenly pulling lightly on his hand, and Harry was focused again. He saw that the door was closed, and there was a pile of clothes on the floor right next to the bed. They were probably on the bed, and Louis had pushed them off when Harry wasn’t looking.

Louis coughed, trying to be subtle, and Harry looks at him again, with a blush on his cheeks. Harry had to blink a few extra times to make sure that he was seeing things right when he looked over at Harry again. Louis had taken off his shirt, and was looking at Harry like he expected him to say or do something. Oh no. “Sorry.” Pause. “Why are we up here, again?”

“I thought that was obvious, love.” Louis made his way over to Harry, who was still standing by the door stupidly. Louis put his arm next Harry’s head, leaning against the doorframe, making him lean in towards Harry. Harry was confused to say the least. It wasn’t obvious why they were up here, at least not to Harry, because he still had no idea what was happening.

Harry’s thoughts were cut off by feeling lips against his own. Louis’ lips. Louis was kissing him. Harry didn’t know what to do. He put his arm on Louis’ waist, and tried his best to kiss back. He was very inexperienced, to say the least. This was only his third kiss, and he wasn’t enjoying it any more that the previous two.

Louis pulled back,  _ thank god,  _ but then he started to pull on Harry’s shirt.  _ Oh god, this is what he meant.  _  Louis wanted sex, and Harry didn’t want to have sex. Not here, at this party with a boy he’s only just met, and maybe he never wanted to have sex.

Harry had always known there was something different about him. When all of his friends had started to look at girls, and talking about their boobs and wanting to have sex, Harry never wanted that. He never looked at girls and thought that he would like to have sex with them. He had kissed a girl once, Ashley he thinks her name was, and he didn’t like it very much. He felt awkward, and he didn’t know the girl very well.

Naturally, Harry thought he was gay. If he didn’t like girls, then he had to like boys, right? Wrong, that was wrong too. He tried kissing a boy in his class to see if that would help him, but he felt the same way as when he kissed the girl. Awkward and out of place.  But Harry was  _ sixteen _ , and he wanted to fit in with his friends and classmates, so he lied. Said that he had been with a boy that lived near his grandma’s house, and that the boy moved so there was no way to contact him. His friends, Liam and Niall, had believed him and gave him a pat on the back like it was good that he had had sex, like he had done something good in that one single moment that was worth congratulating. Harry still felt out of place.

Harry was brought back to the present by Louis’ fingers rubbing his belly. Harry looked down, saw Louis had put his shirt under his armpits to hold it up, and then he looked up. Louis did want to do something sexual, but Harry didn’t want to. He  _ really _ didn’t want to. He had two choices. One, he could lie and just go through with this, or he could say that he felt a bit sick, and then leave the party. Harry liked option two, was just about to lie but when he opened his mouth nothing was coming out.

He tried again, but came up with the same result. Harry couldn’t talk, and he’s sweating now when he wasn’t before.  _ It’s not even hot in his room, though.  _ Harry thinks. He tries to push Louis’ arms off of him, but he feels weak now, and he notices that he is shaking too much to be considered normal.

He manages to croak out “Stop.” before he sits down on the floor and puts his head between his knees. This has happened to him before, his doctor has told his breathing exercises that could help him work through the panic attacks, but it's hard to remember them when he’s hyperventilating on the floor. He remembers something about counting to ten forwards and backwards, but he can’t focus enough to start that now.

And he can't breathe at this point, he is sucking huge, gasping breaths but they aren’t helping the situation, he thinks they are only making it worse. It feels like this huge ball is lodged in the bottom of the throat, and he can’t breathe around it and he knows he has to breathe, but he just  _ can’t  _ right now, and it’s so frustrating, but someone is talking to Harry right now, and it brings him back to earth.  

“… I’m so sorry. It’s going to be okay. You’re going to get through this, Harry.” Louis spoke, he was surprisingly calm. It helped Harry focus, for about three seconds.

“Can I hold your hand? Would that help you?” Louis inquired and Harry nodded. (He has found that holding onto something tightly helps him get through the panic attacks.) Louis grabs his hand gently, and he lets Harry squeeze it as tight as he can. It feels like if he squeezes Louis’ hand hard enough, he can transfer all his anxious energy to Louis, and it will help his stay grounded enough to stay focused on Louis’ words. Louis continues to whisper comforting things to Harry while he calms down, and it helps.

“Okay, Harry, I’m going to count to ten, could you try to breathe in time with my counts?” Harry wonders briefly how he knows all this, how to help people through panic attacks and remain calm. Harry nods, accepting any help he can get at this point. Louis’ voice is calm and collected when he counts, and it brings Harry down enough so that he can start to regulate his breathing again on his own. He doesn’t feel like he might die if Louis stopped holding his hand and counting with him now, but it’s comforting to know that Louis is still here after his panic attack.

After about five minutes of Harry calming down, he lets go of Louis’ hand, and looks down at his own. They stopped shaking, but they were still sweaty, so he wipes them down his jeans. He’s embarrassed now, he’s never let anyone see him like that, except his mom, and now he doesn’t know what to do. Should he just thank Louis and go home, or does he stay with Louis for a little while and they could talk? Louis makes the decision for him, ultimately.

“Do you want something to drink? Water, orange juice?” Now that Harry thinks about it, he is really thirsty.

Harry looks up, still avoiding eye contact, and mumbles, “Water, please and thank you.”

Louis chuckles at Harry’s response, and says, “I’m going to get a water bottle, but I have to leave the room. Is that alright?”

Harry looks up at Louis for a second, sees concern in his eyes and how his eyebrows are drawn together, and nods to say that is was okay. As Louis gets up, he pats Harry’s shoulder and closes that door.

When the door closes, its like he was slapped with the realization of what happened. He just had a panic attack in front of a boy, who was very nice and very helpful, because they were going to have sex. Harry knows what it means, why he never wants to have sex and why he never thinks of people in sexual ways, but he’s not willing to accept it just yet. It means too much. Because sex is an important part of any relationship, this situation as one example, and if he’s not willing to have sex, who is going to want to be with him?  Harry knows sex isn’t everything in a relationship, but to some people it is. (Harry is afraid he might be alone forever because of this, that he is going to date someone and when he tells them what’s wrong with him, and that they are going to scoff at him and leave him right then. He feels broken, like a piece of him is missing, and if he just finds that piece he can fit in and be normal.)

The door opening cuts off Harry’s thoughts. He looks to the sound, and sees Louis handing him the water bottle as promised, then he sits on the ground across from Harry. Harry slowly drinks the water, still a little shaken up. Once he’s done, he sets it down and works up the nerve to look Louis in the eye. His eyes are still the same striking blue, and his face is slightly flushed. They both open their mouths at the same time to talk, but Louis gestures for him to talk first.

“Oh, um, I just wanted to, um, thank you for helping me. With that. You didn’t have to, and you were great at it, so yeah.” Harry realized he was going to start rambling, so he stopped himself. It might have sounded worse to cut himself off, but this has already been a weird day.

“Harry, it was no problem. I wasn’t going to just leave you here. That would have been horrible. I’m really sorry, too. I didn’t even talk to you about anything, and now I’ve caused this. That was awful of me, and I’m really sorry, again. Do you need anything else right now? I’ll see what I can do to help, if I can do anything.” Louis offers, still being kind when he could have just told Harry to leave.

“You didn’t know, it’s alright.” Louis goes to say something again, but Harry shakes his head. He’s tired and he wants to go home. “And um, yeah, if you wouldn’t mind, could I use your phone to call my sister? Don’t want to wait for my friend anymore. Oh, and if this isn’t to much, could you tell my friend, Nick, -if you see him, I’m sure he could figure it out, but if you see him could you tell him that I left.”

Louis nods, reaching for his phone in his back pocket. He unlocks it and hands it to Harry, and he dials his sister’s number. Louis starts to get up and leave, probably to give Harry his privacy, but Harry doesn’t really want to be alone right now, so he grabs Louis’ hand and motions for him to sit down.

“Hello? Who is this?”

“Gemma, hi, it’s Harry. Could you, maybe, come and pick me up from the party?” Harry asks.

“I thought that Nick was going to bring you home tonight? Did he leave you again? I swear to God, Harry-’’ She sounds angry now, and Harry can't have that, needs her in her best mood so that she is more likely to come and get him.

“No, no he didn’t do that this time. I just really want to come home now.” It must have been the tone of his voice, small and pleading that made her agree. Harry hears her pick up her car keys, and walk down the stairs.

“Did something happen? You don’t sound too good.” Gemma wanted to know. She was so perceptive, and it sometimes scared Harry.

“Um, no, I’m okay. Just tired, is all.” Harry lies. Even he can tell that he’s lying, so Gemma will totally pick up on it.

“Sure. What’s the address again?” Shit, Harry forgot the address.

Pulling the phone away from his mouth, Harry asks Louis, “Hey, sorry, what’s your address?”

“Oh, yeah, it’s 29 Greenway Street.” Louis has been picking at his nails during the phone call, probably trying to pretend that he wasn’t listening to the conversation.

Harry is about to thank Louis again, but Gemma loudly interrupts him again. “Are you with someone? Is that a boy I hear?”

Louis is laughing now, not trying to hide it, and Harry is blushing again. How many times can he embarrass himself in front of Louis before it becomes too many?

The number is infinite it seems, because Gemma demands to talk to Louis immediately. “I can’t let my baby brother be at a party with some boy without having spoke to said boy! It’s the rules, Harry.” Harry had never heard of this rule, but Louis gestures to the phone, saying it was okay.

“Hi, Gemma, was it?” There was a pause as Gemma is speaking, but Harry can’t hear what she’s saying. Now she chooses to be quiet. “No, Harry’s fine, he’s not hurt or anything. He’s just…”

Harry is looking at him pleadingly, begging for Louis to not tell Gemma what happened. She would ask too many questions, and Harry isn’t ready to answer those questions He might never be ready to answer questions.

“He’s just tired, like he said. Found him dozing off on my couch. Thought he should go home.”

Louis looks unsure, wondering if that was a good cover, but Harry would have accepted anything at that point. And it’s believable, Harry is often found half asleep on couches and chairs whenever they have company over. (He doesn’t know why it happens, it just does.) Harry gives him thumbs up, and Louis nods.

“Oh, my address, right. 29 Greenway Street.” Louis hands the phone back to Harry then, Gemma asking to speak to Harry again.

“I’m going to be at his house in about fifteen minutes, is that alright?” Gemma is so nice sometimes.

Harry tells her yes, it’s okay and then they hang up. There’s an awkward silence, which Louis breaks first.

“Your sister really cares about you, you know.” Louis says, but he’s kind about it. Now Harry wants to know what Gemma said to Louis even more.

Harry hangs his head low, avoiding eye contact for the hundredth time. “I would hope so, she is my sister.”

Louis laughs, and Harry looks up then. Louis is really pretty when he laughs, how his eyes go all squinty and he scrunches up his nose. And his laugh itself, it’s high and pretty. (Harry thinks Louis has a very pretty personality.)

They stare at each other for a moment, until Harry asks “How did you know what to do, when I was, um, having my panic attack?”

“My friend, Zayn, he gets them really bad, so I read online how to help someone through them. And he tells me what helps and what doesn’t help, and I used some of the things he told me and some of what the Internet said, and hoped it worked. Like, Zayn doesn’t like the hand holding, so I asked you before I held your hand because everyone is different.” Louis is also an amazing friend, and very smart. Wonderful.

 

“Do you want to talk about it? If not I understand, sometimes Zayn wants to talk about it, and sometimes he will just blurt it out a few days later. Whatever you want.”

Harry doesn’t want to talk about it, really. Because talking about it means accepting it, and Harry isn’t ready to do that. But he feels like if he doesn’t say  _ something  _ to  _ someone _ he might explode. And Louis seems trustworthy, and kind. He’s going to be vague, but he has to think about this first. He can do this.

“My friends and everybody else, they want something, but I- I don’t want it. And it scares me because I know that I should want it, but I just don’t. I feel alone, and like no one understands me. And I don’t know if there is something wrong with me for not wanting it, or if it’s something else, but I’m scared that I won’t be like everyone else when I get older, and I have to lie to people about it, and I just want to stop lying.” Harry takes a deep breath after that, feeling scared after he just told his biggest secret to someone.  But, what he said didn’t make that much sense because he left out many important words (i.e.- sex).

Louis is blinking a lot, and he’s fish mouthing now. Harry would laugh if this were any other situation. Louis seems to be suddenly snapped out of his daze by a thought. “Wait, you mean that-’’

Harry doesn’t let him finish, doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. (Though he knows they weren’t really  _ talking _ , Harry sees this as a major accomplishment.) “Don’t want to talk about it anymore, really. If that’s okay.”

Louis rushes to assure him that it’s okay, that he could take as long as he needs to talk about it. But Harry knows he won’t be talking about this for a long time. There is too much to think about.

A sound startles both of them, and Louis grabs his phone. “Your sister, she’s waiting outside.” Louis looks a little sad, Harry thinks. He immediately brushes that thought away, they barely know each other.

Harry pushes himself up, brushes off imaginary dust from his pants and asks if there is a back door he can leave out of, doesn’t want to be swept up in the party again. Louis leads him to the back door with a hand on the small of his back, a comforting gesture.

They both step outside, walking to the front of the house. Before they reach the front yard, Louis stops them both. “I just want to say that I’m so sorry, again, for what happened back there. I shouldn’t have been so weird with you, should have talked about stuff. I was kind of drunk, and I know that’s no excuse, and-”

Harry thinks it's good that Louis is the one rambling now. Harry interrupts him again with a hand to his shoulder, says, “It’s okay. I’m feeling better now and I forgive you. Thank you.”

Harry turns to walk to the car, but Louis stops him again. “Why did you thank me?”

“No one has ever really apologized before. Not like that, at least.”

Louis watches him go to the car, seeing if he makes it in okay. As soon as he sits down, Gemma has her arms around the boy. Harry looks so grateful, hugs her back just as tightly. Gemma doesn’t even know why her brother is this upset, just knows that he is and he might need comforting. Louis feels like he is intruding at this point, so he walks back into his house and sends everyone home, apologizing for ending the party early. Louis didn’t really feel like partying anymore, truthfully, and he knew why. Harry had had a panic attack because Louis tried to have sex with him, and that got him thinking about some things.

  1. Louis is really bad at reading people’s body language.
  2. Louis needed to work on his communication skills.
  3. Harry probably doesn’t like sex (If Louis understood what Harry said correctly. No questions were to be asked.)
  4. Louis wants to see Harry again.



There is a problem with one of those things though, because Louis is going to college in three months, and Harry is going into his junior year of high school. The likelihood of them seeing each other anytime soon is unlikely, but maybe when Louis visits home they would run into each other on the street, or in the grocery store, where they could catch up and talk. Louis would like that, and he hopes Harry would too.

**5 Years Later**

Louis is late; he is so late. His mom is going to kill him, because he promised to be on time today, because ‘today is very important Louis, you can't be late.’  But Louis  _ tried  _ this morning; he set an alarm on his phone and everything. Which he slept through. And now here he is, in a new town, lost, confused, and late for the twins’ second birthday party. (What Louis doesn’t understand is, why it is so important to be on time to a toddler’s birthday party. They don’t even know how to say his name correctly, yet. They won’t mind if he’s a few minutes late.)

Louis should ask for directions, but no one looks like they would want to help him right now. He looks around, and he sees a bakery. Old ladies work in bakeries (at least where he used to live), and they would give him directions. Louis gives himself a mental high five, and makes his way across the street.

He walks in, and is immediately assaulted with the smell of sweet things. Chocolate muffins, vanilla cupcakes, and what Louis thinks are homemade, holiday cookies. He’s in heaven.

“Hi, what can I get you?” The man behind the counter asks. He is definitely not an old lady then. He is young, no older than twenty-one, Louis thinks.  He’s tall too, and his arms- god, his muscles are huge.  His hair is shoulder length, and its curly and it looks very soft. Louis wants to run his hands through it, see if the curls spring back. Louis might be drooling all over this clean bakery floor.

“Um, sir, are you alright?” How did he not notice Louis’ blatant staring? He isn’t going to question it.

“Yeah, sorry. So, I’m really lost, and I was wondering if you could help me find the building?”

“Yeah, of course. What’s the address?” He’s hot, and nice. What more could Louis ask for?

“It’s on my phone, hold on.” Louis grabs his phone from his sweater pocket, and pulls up the address. “942 Chester Avenue. It’s supposed to be like, some child gymnasium I guess? My brother and sister's party is there, and mom is going to kill me for being late. Again.” Over sharing with strangers, great.

The man smiles, and he looks familiar, now that Louis looks closer. He just can’t place it. “Yeah, I know that place. It’s really fun. I’m supposed to be leaving right now, I can walk you if you like?” That’s a lot of things to take in.

One, how does he know the child gymnasium is fun? Does he have kids and goes there often, or does he just like to sit in the building watching kids? He highly doubts it’s the latter, and Louis hopes it’s not the former. Two, they don’t know each other, and he asked to walk Louis there. Louis wants to say yes.

“Yeah, that would be great! Thanks so much.” Louis smiles, and he waits for the boy to hang up his apron and grab his things. He still can’t shake how familiar the man seems, like he has met him before. It’s strange.

“Okay, I’m ready if you’re ready.” And the dimple is back, how is he always smiling? He seems like the type to smile at strangers when they make eye contact in the middle of the street.

He steps back from behind the counter, and Louis’ eyes are instantly drawn to his legs, his thighs more specifically. They are thick, and muscled. Louis could imagine doing so many things to those thighs, but not right now. He goes to look at his face again, but his eyes get stuck (again) at his shoulders. They’re so  _ broad,  _ fuck. Louis needs to focus. He nods dumbly, and they walk out of the bakery.

Louis is sad to leave the sweet smelling shop without having bought anything. He might stop by tomorrow, he is staying for the whole week.

While they are walking, it starts off awkward because they don’t know what to say. And Louis is speechless because of how tall this boy is. He has to be a good four inches taller than Louis.

“So, what’s your name? And, are you going to murder me on the way to my siblings’ birthday party? Because I’d really prefer it be after the party, if possible.” Louis has awarded himself many medals for ‘breaking the ice.’ He doesn’t look like he’s capable of murder though, he stumbles over a majority of the cracks in the sidewalk, and he looks too kind.

“My name is Harry, and I can assure you that I will not murder you, at any time today.” He giggles too, and Louis can’t help but crack a smile as well. Being near Harry just makes you want to smile, let alone talking to him. “I never got your name either.”

Louis puts out his hand, “Louis. Louis Tomlinson. I used to know someone named Harry, but that was a long time ago” Harry gives him an odd look, a flash of something going across his face, but he quickly hides it.

“It’s very nice to meet you, Louis. You said that you were here for a party?”

“Yeah, the twins second birthday, Mom is going crazy for it. She called me, about twelve times in the past week and a half I’d say, to remind me about it and to not be late. But I’m still late.” Louis’ mom is going to be furious, and he will be hearing about this for a long time.

Harry makes a face, like he understands. “Well, lucky for you, I know of a shortcut to this place. You will need to climb over a fence, but it cuts off about five minutes of walking time.”

Louis would climb over ten fences to make the walk shorter. “That’s fine. Lead the way, Mr. Harry.”

Harry looks at him funny again, “You sound like these kids that I babysit. They always call me that, even though I tell them Harry is just fine.” Harry motions with his hands that they have to turn right up ahead, and says, “The fence is right here, and your clothes might get snagged if they’re loose. So, if you need to make any adjustments, now is a good time.”

Louis looks down at his clothes; see’s his tightest pair of black jeans, and a semi-loose red t-shirt. He should be okay, though. “I’m alright, let’s do this.”

Louis was not alright. The bottom of his shirt got snagged on the top of the fence, and now the shirt is sitting right at the waistline of his jeans. His mom is going to skin him alive.

Harry is trying not to laugh, but failing miserably, when he asks, “Are you okay?”

Louis nods and grumbles something, and then Louis starts to laugh too. Because what are the chances that he would actually get his shirt stuck in the fence like a stupid teenager.

Once they finished, Harry nods across the parking lot towards a cluster of buildings. “That’s the building, come on.”

Louis still doesn’t know which one it is, but he follows Harry. He’s still trying (and failing) to make his shirt better when they reach the buildings. Harry is still laughing a bit, his shoulders shaking slightly.

“Okay, okay big guy. That’s enough. Which door is it?” Harry doesn’t get to answer because a small body is attacking Louis, and said small body is screeching “Lou, Louis! Mom was afraid that you weren’t going to show up, and she’s mad that you are late.”

“Daisy. It’s nice to see you too.” At this point the yelling had stopped, and the hugging had begun. Daisy was very big on hugs now, especially ones that got her picked up. “But seriously, how mad is mom? Should I run in and hide behind the cake?”

“I think that you should hide  _ in _ the cake. She is going to yell your ear off.” Daisy whispers, but Louis knows that she is secretly enjoying this.

“Okay, I’ll be in in a second, tell mom I’m here, okay?” Louis is going to thank Harry, but he sees that he is already occupied. With talking to Phoebe. What the fuck? They sound like they know each other, like this isn’t their first time seeing each other.

“Mr. Harry, how are you doing today? And why are you with my brother?”

“I’m doing very well, Ms. Phoebe, thank you. To answer your other question, your brother got lost, so I had to walk him here.”

“Why don’t you come to my brother and sister’s party? It’s very fun.”

“I wish I could, it looks really fun, but I have my own party to go to. My uncle is having his party today.” Harry makes an apologetic face, and Phoebe nods like she understands.

Louis is about to ask how they know each other, but Daisy stops him again. “Really Louis, go inside. Mom is waiting.”

“Alright, I’ll be in in a second. Go on.” He waves them towards the door, and Daisy sticks her tongue out at him before she runs inside with Phoebe. 

Louis turns towards Harry, and stares at him for a second longer than considered normal. “Okay, how do you know my sisters?”

Harry blushes, “Oh, I babysit them. I didn’t know that you were their Louis until she was outside waiting for you.”

Oh, makes sense. Louis needs to calm down. “Sorry, I just get protective over my sisters- and a brother now. Hard thing to shake.”

“I understand. My sister, Gemma, she was like that when I was growing up too. Had to ask all my friends a thousand questions before we could hang out.”

Louis stops for a moment, because he’s sure that he’s heard that name before, he just can’t place it. This whole time when he was with Harry, he has felt like that. Like there was something that he should know, and it’s  _ right there _ , but he just can’t reach it. It’s very frustrating, and Louis is determined to figure out whatever ‘it’ is. 

“Okay, as much as I’d like to stay out here and hide, I have to go inside. I’ll see you around, yeah?” Louis is walking backwards now, hoping he doesn’t trip.

“Alright. Wait. You live here?” Harry shouts back.

“No. I’m staying with mom for the week. But I live, like, twenty five minutes from here.” Louis waves goodbye, and he walks in the building. He is immediately assaulted with the sound of children screaming, and the heavy smell of cleaning products.

Louis makes his way to the party room that says ‘Deakin’, and opens the door. He sees bags of presents, and a cake, but not his mom. Louis lets out a deep breath he didn’t know he has been holding in.

“Mom said she reminded you ten times to be on time. How are you still late?” Louis turns around to see his other sister, Charlotte- Lottie for short, walking towards him. She hugs him, and Louis hugs her back. They have always been close, skipping the part where they were supposed to fight night and day. Their mom had been baffled, but she wasn’t going to jinx it by saying anything.

Lottie pulls back first, and notices his shirt. She whistles, and Louis rolls his eyes. “You trying out a new look, Lou? Working up to a crop top?”

“Shut up, it ripped. But where is mom? I need to show her that I’m here.” Louis asked.

“She’s over by the pirate ship with Ernest. Good luck.”

He makes his way over to the pirate ship, and instantly spots his mom. She has a big smile on her face, happy that her baby is happy. Ernest looks like he is on top of the world, giggling when he spins the wheel and it makes a noise.

He steps right beside his mom, and when she looks over she punches him in the arm. Louis can say that that was not the reaction he was expecting.

“Louis Tomlinson, how many times did I remind you about being on time? You live about twenty-five minutes away, and you are still late! How is this-”

Louis cuts her off with a hug, and she stops yelling at him. “Sorry that I was late. I got lost, and I had to ask for directions. I have good news though.” Louis pulls back from the hug to tell his mom “I can stay the whole week like you asked, found someone to house sit for me.”

His mom’s smile is blinding, and it's like she has already forgotten about him being late. (Louis hoped it would work out that way) “Lou that’s fantastic, we’ve all missed you so much. The girls will be so happy. And your brother. I always do that.”

The rest of the party goes off without a problem; he has time to catch up with his family. Daisy and Phoebe are starting third grade when the summer is over, but they both wants to know who their respective teachers are, Lottie might explode if an adult asks what she wants to do after high school one more time, and Dan and his mom need a night off. Louis offers to babysit the next night so they can go out, and so the older girls can go to a friend’s house.

Louis thinks today was a pretty good day.  

*********

 

Louis is woken up by crying, and a baby screaming “Mommy, Mommy!” Louis rushes to the nursery, immediately going to comfort Doris.

“Shh honey, don’t want to wake mommy and daddy up, do you?”

Louis rocks her back and forth gently, and whispers comforting words to her. Louis remembers when he was little, and Lottie would wake up crying, and how he would sometimes wake up to quiet her down.

Louis wants the twins to stay little forever, so he can protect them and never let anything bad happen to them. Louis knows that’s irrational, that these aren’t even his kids, but he feels like they are.

Louis has always wanted a big family, at  _ least _ two kids, probably the result of having grown up helping take care of two sisters. Now his mom has two more babies that he can help take care of, and he can’t wait.

*********

 

Louis’ mom and Dan had left about an hour ago for their date, and Daisy, Phoebe and Lottie had left that morning to go to a friend’s house. They all looked relieved to not have to take care of the twins anymore, but Louis doesn’t understand why anyone would want to leave these two toddlers, ever.

The three of them are currently laying on the floor, playing with blocks. Doris is stacking them up with her chubby fingers, and Ernest is putting them horizontal, making a long line of blocks.

“I don’t know why anyone would want to leave you both, I could never do that. I might just live here forever.” They both ignore him, too invested in the blocks.

After a while they get bored with the blocks, and want to take a walk. Louis wants to get out of the house too, so a walk sounds great. His mom lives in a quiet town now, not a lot of people come down here unless you live here, or if you are visiting family.

Louis thinks about taking the stroller, but they want to  _ walk _ , not be pushed around. Louis will have to pay extra attention to the roads. He puts their cute little sneakers on and leads them out the door.

They are walking for about five minutes before they reach the intersection. Louis brings Doris and Ernest closer on instinct, holds both their small hands as they cross the street. Doris starts to squeal happily, and Ernest must understand through psychic twin powers, because he gets excited too. When they make it across the street, Louis sees what all the fuss was about.

 

A bakery. They want treats, but Louis is a responsible adult, and he sees that it is only 11:30 in the afternoon. And responsible adults cover their tracks. “If I buy you both cookies, you have to promise not to tell mommy, okay?”

“Yes, Lou. (they still can't get the ‘L’ down, so they pronounce it like a ‘W’. Louis finds it too cute to correct them.)

He walks them both to the bakery, and notices that it’s The Bakery, the one that Harry works at. Louis is more excited now. They walk into the shop, but no one is at the front counter. He promised kids cookies, he can’t not follow through.

He calls out “Hello? Anyone here?” and he hears a crash, and then “Shit.”

A mess of limbs and curly brown hair come out of the back door, and Louis can’t contain his laugh. Harry’s upper torso is covered in flour, and he has small chunks of dough in his hair. He looks like he just came out of a tornado of flour and baking items. It’s adorable.

“Hey, sorry about that. What can I get you?” Harry hasn’t looked up yet, still brushing flour off of himself, so Louis moves closer to the counter and brings the twins with him.

“Harry, nice to see you again. Looking as lovely as ever.” Louis teases, and that gets Harry’s attention. Instead of a witty retort like Louis was expecting, Harry’s focus immediately goes to the two toddlers.

“Louis! You brought the babies! I love babies.” Harry looks like he’s ready to jump over the counter, so Louis picks them up, one at a time, and sets them on the counter. Doris and Ernest’s fingers immediately go to Harry’s hair, and Harry seems happy to bend down and let them tangle their fingers in his hair.

Louis is smiling like a fool now, (cute toddlers and cute boys are Louis’ weakness), because Harry looks like such a natural. No wonder his mom hired Harry to babysit the kids.

“Louis, how are you doing today?” The twins are still holding Harry’s hair, but he looks too happy for Louis to tell him that his hair is probably covered in spit now.

“Well Harry, I’m actually doing great. I’ve spent the morning with these two, and now I’ve come here to buy some treats. What do you recommend?”

“I personally like the red velvet cupcakes, but those might be too advanced for the babies. I’d suggest the vanilla cupcake with the pick frosting.”

“Alright, two of those please.” Louis has to untangle the twins’ fingers from Harry’s hair, and grimaces when he looks at the aftermath. Without thinking, Louis reaches over the counter to fix his curls, running his fingers through them until they look normal again.

Louis doesn’t realize how forward that was until he’s already done. Harry doesn’t seem bothered though, says “Thanks. That will be $4.00, please.”

Harry is watching Louis, seeing if he likes the cupcake, but when Louis blurts out “Oh my god, Harry, these are the best cupcakes I’ve ever had. Did you make them?”, Harry smiles and nods. 

“Yeah, thanks. I come here early every morning to make everything. Doesn’t seem right to make them the night before.”

“You are amazing. I need to cut this cupcake first for the little ones, do you have a knife I can use?”

“Yeah, the plastic ones would probably be easier though, right behind you.”

The twins also love the cupcakes, eating their half like they have been starved. “More, Lou, was good” Doris says, and she reaches her sticky fingers to the glass display case.

“No, you can’t have any more. Mommy would not be happy with me if she found out that I gave you two cupcakes in the middle of the day.”

Doris and Ernest both pout, but they calm down soon enough.

“Can I have two more for mom and Dan? They would love these.” Louis asks, pointing to the chocolate ones. “Mom has a big sweet tooth.”

Harry laughs, “I know, she comes by here all the time. She might just be my top customer.”

They are in the shop for about half hour when the twins start getting really restless, and Louis is out of options. He has tried everything, distracting them with various items around the shop and letting them play with his phone, all to be with Harry for a little longer. He should just ask him out on a date. Wait.

“And it’s really horrible, because those creatures deserve more than a small tank. Oh! There is this documentary on Netflix, about how awful Sea World is too. It’s really good.” Harry finishes, and Louis doesn’t even know how they got on this topic. He’s still endeared.

“Yeah, I love documentaries. We should watch it together sometime.” Louis offers, and Harry seems very pleased.

An actual customer comes in, so Louis takes the twins and waves goodbye on his way out. He should really ask Harry on a date.

 

*********

Louis is back at the bakery, minus the twins. Louis has been at the bakery at least once everyday since he had been at his mom's, which is four days now. He only has three days left, it feels like it's going to fast. “Do you maybe, want to, go out later? When do you usually leave this place?” 

“Yeah, that would be nice. I usually close at, like, five. I can meet you at your mom’s house at 5:30?”

“Yeah, that would be perfect. But I don’t know anything about this town, so you have to pick the place that we go to.”

And maybe Louis is going to fast, knows that you aren’t supposed to feel this way after four days of knowing a person. He hardly even knows Harry. But Louis feels like he  _ has _ knows Harry longer, like he has met him before or something. He likes the way he blushes when Louis complements him, how he laughs deep from his chest, and how much he loves children. It’s like they are a perfect match. Louis likes to compliment Harry, likes to make Harry laugh, and Louis loves children as well. (Louis doesn’t believe in soulmates, not since he’s seen a lot of good relationships end badly. But since his mom found Dan, and Louis has met a certain someone, he might start to believe again.)

 

*********

 

5:30 comes faster than Louis expected. Louis had put the twins down for a nap about two hours ago, so they are just waking up.

Louis had explained how he had a date with Harry, and Louis’ mom had been happy for him because “Harry is such a sweet boy! I didn’t know that you had met him. This is so exciting!” She might try to sneak out to follow Louis to wherever Harry takes them, so Louis might have to talk to Dan about it.

The doorbell rings, and Louis rushes to open the door before anyone else. He does, thankfully. “Hi.” He says breathlessly, and maybe he stares at Harry’s green, green eyes for a beat too long.

“Hey. Are you ready, or do you need another minute?”  He’s considerate too. When will Harry stop impressing Louis? (He hopes it never stops)

“No, yeah I’m ready to go.” They step out of the doorframe, and the sun is still out, thankfully. “What did you have planned? Or are you one of those guys who like to keep it a secret?”

“I do like to keep it a secret, makes it more exciting.”

Harry takes them to a coffee shop, (where they both get tea), and they go to a local park to walk around in. It's a nice park. There is a large field for kids to play sports in, but there is also a path with benches if you wanted to walk around on a nice day. The path has a fountain in the middle of it, and it is well taken care of. The atmosphere of the park is almost like laying in a field of wildflowers.

Harry leads them to the bench across from the fountain, and he looks serious for a second, like he is psyching himself up for something. He's making Louis nervous now. Harry takes a deep breath, and he turns towards Louis.

"I really like you, and I want to do all these things with you, and it's weird because we've only  _ really  _ know each other for about four days, and I want this to work out, I really do, but there is something I need to tell you.” Harry rushes to get the words out, out of breath at the end of it.

“I feel the same way, like I’ve met you before somewhere, and I already like you a lot. But you’re kind of making me nervous. As long as it’s nothing terrible, I think we can get past it.”  

“See, that’s the thing. We… we have met before. At your party, about five years ago.”

How could Louis be so stupid, of course this Harry was The Harry. After the party, Louis had called Zayn, talked forever about Harry and what happened, but Zayn didn’t understand. He didn’t get how someone might not want sex, because “it’s human to want sex, that doesn’t make sense Lou. He might have something wrong with him.”

Louis had been angry then, how could someone say that about Harry? Sweet, young Harry. Louis had said, a little hostile now that he looks back on it, “There isn’t anything wrong with him. If he doesn’t want sex, he doesn’t have to have sex. But we might be wrong, and it’s none of our business, anyway. I'll call you tomorrow.”

Harry looks really uncertain right now, like Louis may not remember. “Yeah, we did. I knew that I had met you before, but I couldn’t place where. Maybe that’s why we feel so close already?”

“Maybe. I have something else too, this one is more important though. I’m, um. Asexual. Like, that means I don’t experience sexual attraction. So for me-it’s different for everyone-, that means I don’t really like to engage in sexual things. For any reason.”

Louis can’t say that he’s that surprised, he can infer. But he’s not going to be a dick right now, this is obviously important.

“Okay. Okay, that’s- alright. I’m okay with that, we’ll just have to set limits, right? And talk about stuff.

Harry pulls him into a hug, and it surprises Louis. He didn’t know Harry’s long limbs could move so fast and be coordinated at the same time. Louis returns the hug just as fiercely, can tell that this is a moment for a hug.

“We should talk about things, yeah?” Louis mumbles into Harry’s shoulder. Harry nods and pulls away, wiping his eyes to prevent any tears.

“Hey, why are you crying?”

“No one has ever been this okay with it. These are happy tears, promise.”

“As long as you’re sure.”

They talk for what seems like hours on that park bench, and it feels monumental. It is monumental to them, because this is a serious relationship thing, and Louis has never been in a serious relationship. He wants to be in one with Harry though. Will take whatever comes their way, will do whatever he has to do to stay with this boy.

“Do you like kissing?”

“Like little pecks, yeah, but not like full making out.”

“Do you get uncomfortable when people make sexual jokes?”

“In general, no. I just don’t like when they are made towards me, really. Makes me uncomfortable.”

“If we ever share a bed, do you want us to be clothed or…”

“I usually like to sleep in my briefs, and I would like it if you wore them too. No shirts are okay though.”

Harry starts this time. “I wouldn’t be opposed to giving you a handjob, but I wouldn’t want anything in return. But that’s probably it, I wouldn’t want to do anything else for you.”

“That’s okay, wouldn’t want to do anything if you didn’t want to.” He goes to hold Harry’s hand, but pauses. One more question.

“So you want a romantic relationship, right? Like dates, and hand holding- stuff like that?”

“Yeah, definitely. That’s romantic attraction, different from sexual.” Harry grabs his hand, and he stands up. “Come on, we have to finish our date.”

Louis pushes himself up from the bench, and narrows his eyes at Harry. He has no idea what’s next. They stay in the park, it's getting dark now, so Louis is skeptical of the future plans.

“Harold. Where are we going?”

“I can’t tell you, Lewis. It would ruin the surprise. And it’s just Harry.”

Louis doesn’t push it, which isn’t like him, but he can make an exception this one time. The further they walk in the park, the prettier it gets. There is a rose garden, colors varying from white to purple. Harry walks over to a patch of yellow ones, and somehow picks one out without getting pricked.

He hands the flower to Louis, says, “Yellow means new beginnings, welcome back, and happiness.”

Louis now knows three things. One, Harry is a giant fucking sap, and a huge romantic. Second, he wants to keep Harry forever. Third, he doesn’t know how he can make their next date better than this. He brought him to a rose garden, and gave him a flower that fit their situation perfectly, because he feels like this time everything is going to work out. 

Louis takes the flower, overwhelmed with so many emotions, beams at Harry, and hugs him. He hugs him till his arms hurt, till Harry is laughing in his ear and Louis is trying to swing them around like in the movies.

“It works in the movies Harry, just work with me here. I think you have to pick your feet up though.”

Harry indulges him, bless him, but they both end up on the ground in the end, giggling into the night. They decide to stay on the ground, holding hands, and look up at the stars. Louis thinks that he wouldn’t mind if he was stuck in this one moment forever, laying with Harry at night in a literal rose garden. It’s the perfect moment.

“This is perfect Harry, thank you.” Louis rolls his head towards Harry, and his eyes are the color of the fresh grass, the stems of the roses, everything pure.

“Welcome. Wanted to make our first date memorable.” Harry is blushing, and Louis has the urge to cuddle him till he falls asleep.

They don’t talk much after that, okay to just be in each others company silently. Louis feels overwhelmed, but in a good way. When you are so happy that you feel like you might explode with it at one point, so happy that he met Harry again, and in this way. Happy that Harry trusted him enough to tell him that he’s asexual, happy that Harry might be a bigger romantic than him, just overjoyed that this is how it turned out.

They still have some things to talk about, obviously, but Louis doesn’t want to think about that right now. Wants to be stuck in this hour for as long as possible, and hopes Harry feels the same way.

*********

 

They can only go up from there. In the three days that Louis had left at his mom’s house, they spent a lot of time together.  They get closer, asking each other about what they did after they left their old town.

“I went to school to become a teacher, and got a job teaching kindergarteners at a school, about twenty-five minutes from here. It’s a good place; the kids are really nice and cute. There is this one girl, Emily, and she reminds me so much of Daisy. They both have blond hair, and they have such a witty personality. Last week I told her that it was nap time, and she said ‘Mr. Tomlinson, I don’t think I want to take a nap. I’d rather do some coloring.’ And I was shocked, because no one's ever said no to nap time, and she just got up and started to color.”

“So you like kids, then?”

“Yeah. I’ve always wanted kids. I grew up with two sisters, but my house still felt a little empty. I don’t know, I just want a big family.”

Harry seemed to like this answer, a smirk playing on his lips. “Me too.”

“I’m still in school, my major is biology. My college has the program where I can get my masters in five years, so when I go back it will be my last year.  I don’t know what I’m going to do next though. I’m debating between going for my doctorate or looking for a job somewhere.”

“So that means that you know all these cool science facts?"

“Yeah! Do you want to hear one?”

Louis nodded, so Harry continued. “So, you know how some people are lactose intolerant,- like everyone is supposed to be like that. Because, when you are a baby you need your mom’s milk, but when you’re older you don’t need that milk. So the body is supposed to stop producing the enzyme lactase, that makes it possible to digest milk, but for most people it doesn’t. So people who are lactose intolerant have evolved correctly.”

Louis kisses Harry, short and sweet, and they keep talking about their lives.

“Do you live in this town?, because I live close by and it isn’t that bad of a drive if we want to see each other.”

“I go to school in Boston and I live in the dorms during the school year, but I come here whenever I can. I like the city, but I don’t get to see my mom a lot, so I live here for a couple of months.”

“That’s really sweet Harry. Well, I teach in a town that’s right outside of Boston, so that’s perfect!”

Harry smiles, like this is the best news he’s heard all day. “It is perfect. Let's have a treat to celebrate.”

Harry gets the red velvet cupcake from the case, and hands Louis one. “I still want you to try these. My feelings will be hurt if you don’t eat it.”

Louis makes a face, then he takes a bite of the cupcake. “Holy fuck, Harry these are delicious. You are so talented, I can barely make myself dinner.”

“I could teach you, sometime. Like, simple stuff to make.”

“Yeah. I would like that.” They both blush like idiots, but they don’t seem to mind.

 

*********

Louis has to leave today, but he doesn’t want to accept it. He has had the most amazing week, spending it with Harry and his family. He’s packing his bag now, trying to fold all his clothes like his mom told him too, but he didn’t really want to. (“It’s so more clothes fit, Louis. And there will be less of a mess when you get home.” Louis didn’t really have the heart to have a playful argument with her, so he just nodded. His mom pat him on the back, and left him alone.)

The door opens, and Louis sighs. “Mom, I really just want to be alone right now.” When he doesn’t hear the door close, or his mom’s comforting voice, he looks up.

“Oh. Hi Harry, I thought you were my mom. Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I understand.” Harry lays down next to him, and he puts his head in Louis’ lap. Louis instantly puts his hand in Harry’s hair, and starts to run his fingers through the curls and massage his scalp. Harry seems to like it.

“We’re going to see each other in a week and a half Lou, it will be okay.”

“I know, I just never liked goodbyes. I don’t want to leave my family, and I don’t want to leave you either. I’m going to miss everyone, that’s all.” He thought that he could pretend that his week at his mom’s was a year, and that his time there would never end. But he was wrong, because he was hit with the feeling of leaving again and again as he sat on the floor.

“I understand. Just wanted you to be happy on your last day here. You should always be smiling, your eyes get all crinkly and it’s adorable.”

Louis’ lips pull up a little, not a full smile, more of a half smile, and says, “Thanks babe. I like when you smile, and your dimple pops out.” Louis pokes Harry’s cheek, where the dimple would sit, but Harry grabs his hand and holds it.

After a brief moment of looking at each other Harry asks, “Is this what you call packing, Louis? This is horrible, I’m surprised your mom hasn’t come in here and taken over.” He looks offended, and he makes to start packing Louis’ clothes, but Louis has to stop him.

“You don’t have to do that. I’ll just shove everything in there later.” Apparently that was the wrong thing to say, because Harry gasps.

“Louis Tomlinson, that is no way to pack your clothes. They’re going to get all wrinkly if you do that.” Harry’s nose scrunches up a little, and Louis is so endeared. Louis has to let him win.

“Okay, show me how it’s done then.”

He still doesn’t want to leave, but he finds it easier to pack up his things now, and to say his goodbyes. Harry makes everything so simple, can make anyone feel better with his presence, and with his kind words. Louis wants to take Harry home with him, but he knows that’s irrational. They made plans to see each other in a week and a half, and he knows he will miss Harry, but he will make it. (Louis thinks everything is easier when Harry is around.)

 

*********

 

Harry knocks on the door, and the next second he hears feet running towards the door. He giggles into his hand at the image of Louis running to see Harry, and that’s how Louis finds him. He has a stupid smile on his face too, so he can’t judge.

Harry is dragged into the apartment, and then pulled into a hug. Louis gives great hugs, his arms wrap tightly around you, and his head on your shoulder. They make you feel safe, make Harry feel safe and cared for.

“Hi. I missed you a lot. And I like the paint color you choose.” Harry complements. He looks around more, and notices that there are dirty socks lying around, empty food boxes on the table, and a basket of laundry by the door. Harry doesn’t know if it’s clean or dirty, and honestly- he’s afraid to ask.

“Thanks. The guy at Home Depot said that it was a ‘calming color’, whatever the fuck that means. I just like the way it looks.” Louis pulls him back into another hug, and this one surprises Harry. He has never gotten two hugs in a row; it’s a nice feeling.

“Did you just sniff my hair?” Harry asks, but he’s not angry. He finds it a little odd, but he finds Louis odd, so.

“Yeah. I missed the way you smell. It’s like lavender.” Louis is being very forward now, and Harry likes it. Likes how Louis isn’t afraid to show what he’s really feeling, isn’t afraid to speak his mind when he needs to. It’s refreshing.

“Here, let’s give you the tour of my apartment.”

 

*********

It’s late now, and Harry is practically asleep in Louis’ lap, only half watching the movie they put on earlier. He doesn’t know Louis’ current state, but he imagines it’s the same as his. Louis’ fingers are barely moving in his hair anymore, despite Harry’s complaining head nudges.

Harry likes to be this close to Louis, relaxing on the couch together after a long day. After Harry had gotten the tour, (which had consisted of Louis’ messy room, and his kitchen which looked like it had been barely used.), they went on a walk around Louis’ neighborhood. He pointed out all the important things, where he worked, where he got his morning tea, where his favorite restaurant is, (which is where they had lunch), and where the park is. (Louis had explained that the park was very important to him, it’s where he plays soccer with his friends when he is stressed.)

Harry is  _ so _ close to falling asleep when he hears people groaning, coming from the movie. He opens his eyes, and sees a sex scene unfolding right in front of his eyes. He blinks, still disoriented from his almost-sleep, but quickly comes to his senses. Fuck. 

He is becoming uncomfortable very quickly as more noises come from the movie, and the actions are becoming more explicit. He sits up looking for the remote to turn the movie off. He feels around the couch, but he doesn’t find it. He checks the floor, and the blankets, but still no luck.

He is frantically looking at this point, the noises from the television are getting louder and more clothes are being removed. Harry thinks he might have to go to another room and wait till it’s over, can’t bare to be in this room for a second longer, his hands are starting to shake a little, and he can't have a panic attack because of a sex scene. He’s not seventeen anymore, until-

“Haz, what’s wrong?” Louis asks, his voice still rough like he had been asleep. Harry didn’t want to wake him up, but now isn’t really the time for being polite.

“Louis, Louis, where is the remote? Please?” Harry begs, and Louis seems to understand that this isn’t just Harry getting up to stretch anymore, and he opens his eyes quickly.

“Here, it’s right here.” He grabs it from the side table next to the couch, and hands it to Harry. He presses the power button, and sighs in relief, as the room is quiet once again.

“Harry, are you alright? What happened?” His fingers have resumed their rightful place in Harry’s hair, and he finds it easier to calm down when his scalp is being massaged.

“The movie-they were having sex in the movie. I wanted to turn it off, but I couldn’t find the remote. It made me really uncomfortable, but I’m okay now.” Harry looks at Louis now, and sees his expressions go from nervous and afraid to relaxed and guilty.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry, I should have asked if that bothered you, it completely slipped my mind that that was in the movie. I’m really sorry.” Louis untangles his fingers from his hair, and pulls Harry into his lap, which leads to them staring into each other’s eyes, until Harry can't take it anymore and looks down. (Sometimes Louis gets fiercely protective about things, and now may be one of those times. And he will stay in that older brother mode until he is a hundred percent certain that the person is okay, even if they assure him that they are okay. Harry is falling more and more for Louis with each day that passes, and he knows Louis is in the same position because of moments like this.)

“It’s okay, it was an honest mistake. You wouldn’t see the scene as an issue, or even remember it when you picked the movie, really, because it doesn’t bother you.” When Louis’ hands tighten around his, he assures him again- “ _ Really,  _ I’m okay now. The movie just needed to be turned off.”

They have a staring contest, of sorts, until Louis is sure that Harry isn’t lying. “As long as you’re sure. C’mon, let’s go to bed now.” Louis gets them both to his bedroom, and immediately pulls Harry against him as the little spoon when they get settled. Harry smiles, he didn’t even tell Louis he liked to be the little spoon, and closes his eyes.

Louis pulls him against him more, so there is practically zero space between them, and kisses Harry’s cheek. “Sleep now, love.”

Harry falls asleep to the thoughts of joy, and love.

 

*********

Harry is walking down the aisle, and he has a beautiful bouquet of yellow roses in his hands, and tears in his eyes. His dad is at his side, and he might start to cry at any moment too.

Harry  _ cannot _ look at Louis yet, afraid that the second he does he will start to cry, but he can feel Louis’ eyes on him. He could probably pick out Louis in a sea of people, after being together for three years. He knows the exact way Louis styles his hair every morning, or the way it swoops across his forehead if he doesn’t put any product in it. (Personally, Harry likes it without product, when it’s soft.) How he tries to make himself taller when he broadens his shoulders, and sometimes he’s too tired and he hunches over. (Louis always gets back pains after those moments, and he makes Harry give him massages. Harry wouldn’t have it anyother way.)

Harry doesn’t know if he can take it anymore though, not looking at Louis. They have been waiting for this day for months, and he was so excited when he woke up this morning, ready to scream it from the rooftops, only to find Louis not in their bed.

_ Right,  _ he had thought at the time,  _ can’t see Louis till the ceremony. That sucks. _

 

He looks up, and he has to cover his mouth instantly to prevent a big, ugly sob from coming out. Louis bites his lip to try to conceal his smile, but it fails. He is smiling so hard, and he has the crinkles that Harry loves next to his eyes. He has tears brimming his eyes, desperate to flow over. Louis looks so beautiful right now, in his blue suit and white button down, Harry doesn’t know if he can keep the slow pace anymore. He wants to marry Louis  _ yesterday.  _ The sun is shining right on him, and it makes his watery, blue eyes even prettier, if that’s possible.

They are getting married in a garden, and it’s beautiful. The flowers are surrounding them all, and they all blend together to make a lovely smell, like the first day of spring. The flowers all over the color spectrum, from white to purple, red and yellow, and pink and blue. It’s the perfect place for them both; they had fallen in love with it instantly when they came to look at it the first time.

Harry finally reaches Louis, and he practically runs to stand across from him. Louis grabs his hand to steady him, and to give them a reassuring squeeze. Louis has tears in his eyes too, and they have started to fall down his cheeks, but he doesn’t wipe them away. He never wants to let go of Harry’s hands ever again, and Harry can say the feeling is mutual.

“Harry, would you like to say your vows?”

He nods, and begins. “Louis, I first met you when you were eighteen, and I was sixteen. After that we didn’t see each other for five more years, until you came into my bakery to ask for directions. You could have gone into any of the stores on the road, but you choose mine. I think fate brought us together, because what are the chances that we would meet again? I thank whatever brought us together everyday though, because when I’m with you, I am my happiest, and my best self.  This is the happiest day of my life, and I can’t wait to have so many more days with you. And I can't promise that it will be easy, but I promise that I will love you forever, and I will do everything I can to keep you as happy as you make me. You’re my best friend Lou, I love you very much a lot.” He slides the ring onto Louis’ finger, and a few more tears escape. He can’t believe they are getting married, but they have waited long enough.

Louis doesn’t have to be asked to say his vows, just starts right after Harry. “Harry, you are the love of my life, my best friend, and the times that I’ve spent with you have been the best times of my life. When we first met I didn’t really believe in soulmates, but the more time we spent together, the more we fell in love, the more I believed. And now I believe that you are my soul mate, because when I’m with you I feel like time is frozen, and it’s just us. Nobody else matters when I’m with you. I want to spend the rest of my life making you laugh, making you smile, and to just be with you. I love you so much it hurts sometimes, and I will spend the rest of my life making you the happiest man alive.” He slips the ring onto Harry’s finger, and then pulls him into a kiss that doesn’t last very long, per Harry’s request.

Their family and friends all stand and cheer, but Harry is still focused on Louis. He can’t stop smiling, he feels like he could burst with how happy he is, and Louis looks to be in the same place. They kiss again, but Harry breaks it off first. He wipes the tears off Louis’ face, and Louis does the same for him.

He grabs Harry’s hand, and giggles, “C’mon Haz. Let’s go celebrate.”

 


End file.
